I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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