i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
