I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
