He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
