Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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