Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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