She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
