We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i jhust puked up my retainher.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
