So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
