Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
please come you make the beer taste better
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
