I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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