we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
