How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
