Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize