piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
