speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize