her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
