Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
