Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
