I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
