I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Panties = found
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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