i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
