between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
