My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
