She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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