just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Barsexuality is the new black.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
