hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
