The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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