Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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