i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
