Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
