Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
