I haven't been this sober since birth.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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