my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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