Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize