He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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