Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
