im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize