Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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