We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
