pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
