he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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