I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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