can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
