I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
