i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
