my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
