The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
