I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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