so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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