I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
