Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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