I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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