First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
