Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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