my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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