I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
