He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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