I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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