Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
