I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
