They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
