oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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