dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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