is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
