I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
