Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
