this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
