it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
